January 30, 2010

The farewell tour begins

My departure date to San Diego is still a bit in flux, but I should be heading out in about a week and a half. Things are starting to sink in as I start the goodbyes. My running and biking friends are having a "see you soon" party for me this evening, which I think is a wonderful way to put it.

I went out for a run with my friend Tami this afternoon. One last time around Greenlake before I take off. As if to make sure my memory of Seattle would be clear, it was typical grey and drizzly day. We ran once around the lake, chatting the whole way. We were having such a good time talking, we decided to grab a cup of coffee and walk around the lake one more time.

We talked about lots of things, but of course my pending departure and start of a new life was the main topic. I wouldn't say my decision to move was rash in any way, but it was made a little quickly. I think the idea was growing organically in the background for a while. When the opportunity came up where my move would be mutually beneficial, I didn't hesitate to pull the trigger.

Even though I haven't had many doubts that this is the right move for me, I don't feel like I've been able to adequately explain it. No one has really challenged me on the decision, so I haven't had to defend it. Making two circuits around Greenlake with Tami today helped me work through some of the feelings and reasons that this is the thing to do. With every quarter mile ticked off, one more piece of the puzzle clicked in as I explained each new thought.

I "need" to make several changes about what I do with, and how I live my life. There are things that have been in the back of my mind, and weighing on my heart for some time now. In the past I have been content, but also complacent. There are simply things that I need to do if I am ever going to get the demons of regret out of my head. I have learned so much in this past year, and I actually feel pretty good about where I'm headed. I fear if I stayed where I am, it would be all to easy to settle back into complacency, and I can't let that happen.

It feels like I need to make a significant break in my routine, in order to set up a new way of living. Like Tami said, I am starting a new life, and I can be whoever I want to be. As I make my goodbyes, I will try to put into words what I am looking to do, what my specific goals are, and why this is the right thing for me now. As I work it out verbally with my friends, and here on paper, I will gain the focus I need to make sure I take full advantage of this opportunity.

Thanks again for following me on my journey.


tami said...

That really was a nice time. We could have probably tackled a third time around, huh?

Holly Linden said...

With you all the way!