March 31, 2008

Annabelle

Anything I have to say today seems trivial. When someone you love is suffering, it changes your view of the world, and what seems significant. I feel a real disconnect. Outside it is a beautiful day, and it just doesn't seem right somehow.

My friends are two states away, and I can't be there in person for them. I'm in the habit of trying to put myself in other's shoes, to see the world through their eyes. I try to imagine what I would do, how I would feel. For empathy, and to somehow prepare myself for what the world might throw at me. It is impossible of course. You don't really know how you will react until you're there.

I imagine the wife and I would shelter ourselves from family and friends for a time to try to wrap our heads around it. To find our feet and hope or pray for the strength to go forward in the world so suddenly changed.

I tend to be logical, and try to be strong, even a bit emotionally detached from challenges. When my friend discovered her breast cancer, she spoke of an advocate that was with her to guide her through the process. I thought that was a wonderful thing, and that I might actually be good at it. While empathizing with their challenge and the road ahead, I could provide a level head to help digest the wall of information coming at them. Then a friend died and it rocked me more than I expected. In truth I'm not as emotionally strong as I thought I was.

My friends have faith and I know they will find strength in that. They also have many wonderful friends when they are ready. I hope they are given an advocate who understands their baby's condition and the challenges that lie ahead. Though I may try, I can't imagine what they are going through. I feel like I should be doing something. Something.

1 comment:

HB said...

You just did sweet friend. You just did. Thank you. We know our friends and family feel helpless in this, but you're not. Your thoughts, love, support, and prayers have helped us immeasurably. There's so much we don't know yet. You wait, this little girl is going to amaze you! I know it.