Top Ten Signs You Won't Win The New York City Marathon
10. You frequently hear, "Outta the way, lard ***!"
9. Every couple of miles you stop and ask directions
8. You pulled a hamstring filling out the application
7. Before the race, you eat a Powerbar with extra cheese
6. You still haven't finished the 2006 New York City Marathon
5. In trying situations, you ask yourself, "What would Rosie O'Donnell do?"
4. Some runners are sponsored by Adidas -- you're sponsored by Chips Ahoy
3. You're frequently mistaken for the fat guy from "Lost"
2. Made your own steroids out of Red Bull and Super Glue
1. You've been carbo-loading for 30 years