Are you...?

Last night at the house concert (I need to write about this venue in the future) a guy asked me if I worked at Third Place Books. No, but it sparked a conversation, and looking like a bookstore guy feels like a compliment, so I will take it. He said the guy at Third Place Books is my doppelganger, but I think I just have one of those faces. Still, curious if I should go see my unrelated twin. 

Before that encounter, as I was walking in, John, one of the hosts asked my name. "Sean". "Sean Day?" he asked, like the name meant something. He let me know the artist knew a Sean Day, saw the name on the guest list, but would be surprised if the Sean Day she knew showed up for the show since he lived in New York. Strange to have the name overlap when there were maybe thirty of us in attendance. When I bought the CD after the show I mentioned my name to the singer, curious about the strange coincidence.

Later, I was chatting with the other host Liesl and the Sean Day question/story came up again. I mentioned that my first name and last name are often run together as one, and that when my ex-wife first heard my name in conversation she thought I was a woman named Seanday (or some better spelling). Liesl asked if I was attached. No. Looking? Not currently. She remarked that that is often when people show up in your life, and I said it had been five years (actually seven) and if that were a strategy it was not working. She said she might know someone. Curious.

So, an interesting night with interesting conversations, mostly around mistaken identity.

Heading back for another house concert in a few weeks for possibly more curious encounters.

Where everybody knows your name

Last Friday, the cupboard was bare of anything I wanted to eat, so I stopped at the Starbucks by my office for breakfast. Posted on the door was this sign.

Last day after 36 years was the next day. As I picked up my iced coffee and Ham & Cheese Croissant, I turned to the barista and told her I was surprised and sad to hear about the closing.

"You didn't know?"

The manager, who I have gotten to know over the past ten-plus years, turned and joined the conversation. I guess they had known they were closing for a while, and began telling their regulars in May. I was gone for most of the month, and by the time I got back, they probably thought it was old news. 

We chatted for a bit. I said I was surprised that their store was on the chopping block. They are generally pretty busy, and the store had been remodeled just two years ago. I guess the store remodel was under the previous CEO, and the new CEO has other plans. My Starbucks is a smaller store with not a lot of seating, and it sounds like the focus is now supporting stores where folks can linger, a so-called Third Place. 

From Wikipedia

American sociologist Ray Oldenburg called one's "first place" the home and the people the person lives with. The "second place" is the workplace—where people may actually spend most of their waking time. Third places, then, are "anchors" of community life and facilitate and foster broader, more creative interaction.[2] In other words, "your third place is where you relax in public, where you encounter familiar faces and make new acquaintances.

When I go to a coffee shop to spend some time, not eating meals on the run, settling in to read a book, I do choose a different Starbucks and their comfy chairs. That said, my small Starbucks near my office is still a Third Place for me.

These days, I lose almost all my days off for two, two-month stretches each year. During those periods, I don't get to see friends outside the office much. My stops at my Starbucks during tax season are as much for the friendly faces and a mental break as much as it is for caffeine. There were moments like these from a February 2018 post that I won't soon forget.

There were the regular check-ins from the manager about how I was doing as the days and hours grew long. She had been at that Starbucks for twelve years, almost as long as I have been back in Washington and preparing taxes. There were hundreds of other small moments that kept me going when my energy and spirits were low. One of the last things the manager said to me on Friday was for me to make sure to take a vacation after this tax season is over. 

Yes, it is just a chain coffee shop. Yes, I will save some money not having a place so close by to sneak away and grab a caffeine and sugar boost. And yes I shouldn't be leaning on a coffee shop to support my mental health. But it feels like I have been, and the store closing removes one of my Third Places. A joint where everybody knows your name. A space of calm during the storms. A tiny thread in the fabric. A place of support and joy as silly as that may sound. The store closing is not earthshattering, but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to acknowledge it, and recognize how small things and kind people can make a difference. 

Time to create better practices and find other spaces. 

August

"I don't know who I've been all year.

I'm glad you're still here."

~ Alana Matty - "33 (The End)"